ALTAR OF PLAGUES – Tides CDEP review

ALTAR OF PLAGUES – Tides CDEP
Burning World Records

Unlike the hipster herd I didn’t think this Irish band’s 2009 full length release, White Tomb, was a masterpiece. It was decent as far as post rock shoegazer music can go without boring the living shit out of ya. The fact is I find Drone bands like SUNN O)) or older BORIS far more exciting to listen to then shoegazer stuff. I wouldn’t call it black metal either and that’s one of the many problems I have when college radio losers or indie rock losers get involved in extreme music. They start promoting watered down versions of the real article then stiff up their noses as if everything before hand is now juvenile crap. What’s more annoying is how they act authoritative since they have that college degree in ass grabbing that they spent the better part of eight years earning. I’m sure that ALTAR OF PLAGUES reminds them of the good ole university days, listening to the COCTEAU TWINS on the radio while experimenting behind the locked dorm room doors with their same sex roomates.

With the exception of the harsh yet gruff vocals this two song EP is as exciting as watching eggshell white paint dry on a wall for thirty-five minutes, which is number eighteen on my list of things I wouldn’t do for money. The lethargic ambiance of these two cuts will give you a headache. Don’t get me wrong since I’m not part of the corpse paint scene police. I like alot of the more avant garde style blackened artists then most non indie rock girlie men. But in all honesty, and I’m as honest as the day is long, bands like WOLVES IN THE THRONE ROOM and SECRETS OF THE MOON do a better job at this post shoegazer stuff. Plus the production on here is muddier than a bum washing up in a creek bed on a rainy day. Maybe if things were a little cleaner and sparks jetted out from my stereo speakers I’d be concerned. I read a review of their White Tomb release last year where the critic called ALTAR OF PLAGUES purveyors of organic black metal. I would’ve loved to slap that recycled turd for brains for coming up with yet another black metal sub genre for losers. But all it not lost in the vastness of post rock oblivion. The actual time of this two song EP is thirty-six and a half minutes. There’s alot of things you could do in that amount of time. You could fold that laundry which is now heaped into a pile on a chair. Music like this is perfect to do house chores to because it’s so mellow and sedate. It’s not exciting so there’s no fear of letting your emotions take over and run head first into a wall because you always thought the space needed a window. Yeah I've done that.

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