CROOKED NECKS - Alright Is Exactly What It Isn't CD review

CROOKED NECKS - Alright Is Exactly What It Isn't CD
Handmade Birds
Genre: New Age
Rating: 1/5

If I look up a supposed metal band's name on one of the various Metal info sites and that name doesn't come up then my bullshit detector sounds an alarm. Hell it went off after I read the promo material which accompanied this, then I went into my bathroom and threw up. Afterwards I did the only thing I could which was to visit a colleague's website from England who posts releases to download. She's basically an indie rock babe who actually knows something about decent metal be it modern black metal, doom, post rock, experimental sounds as well as the crap that hipsters like. I figured CROOKED NECKS would be right up her alley. In fact I got more than I bargained for because after I learned about this band's history I went to the bathroom and threw up again. Before I even get into this band let me tell you about their music. This release came to SFM666 under the guise of post-black metal. Ladies and gentleman (and you others) just because you can rasp your vocals/screams does not automatically mean you're black metal. If that were the case than the sounds of those getting butt raped in prison would also be considered black metal vocals. Next up this is not metal music. This is new age, air fart, drone stuff which is listened to by people I don't wanna know nor live near. Chances are I don't because I live on the east coast and not the left coast. So lets just get everything straight and admit that this is not metal or extreme music of any kind. Is it good? I wouldn't know for lack of having something to measure it up against. It's like the situation your in sometimes when your at a Chinese buffet and you don't recognize something up at the buffet table. You don't wanna touch it. According to my English lady colleague it's soothing as well as fifteen other descriptive words she found in the Thesaurus.

As far as the history of CROOKED NECKS goes they are two guys from Colorado(?). One guy Shane is responsible for all the instruments while the other guy, Andy, is the vocalist, although there's not much of that. Before this they were called FRAIL who I've never heard of but they thought there were too many bands out there using the same name so they changed it. Another thing is that Shane the instrumentalist was previously in a bunch of basement black metal acts some of whom have underground respectability. I'm not going to name em all or give my full opinion on those acts but suffice it to say that Shane has been around. Which brings us back to CROOKED NECKS and their release. There are individuals in the avant garde realm who wanna call this just another side of metal. I disagree with them because by doing so they openly admit that their specific brand of music lacks credibility. Therefore they must latch on like a parasite to something which already has credibility, a fan base and a network for communication. Also who says a musician can't play various types of music which can fall into a multiple number of genres? If a country music artist can record a metal album which got a review in a major US metal magazine (they did give it an average review). Then why can't a metal musician record music that's not metal and be judged on the merits of that outside genre? Calling this post black metal is not only an insult to this act but also to the intelligence of every black metal band as well as their fans. Slapping this "post" tag in front of genre titles in order to give a band credibility has gone from ridiculous to out of control. Alright Is Exactly What It Isn't is the type of release for people into new age music. You might even find it soothing but black metal is exactly what it isn't.

Label: http://handmadebirds.com/

Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/crookednecks