BLACK METAL BEER?
Obviously whenever something from the "extreme" side of culture finds itself in the mainstream we of that extreme culture have a laugh about it. It's not like we don't have a sense of humor. We've laughed at the commercials, the fake videos and various magazine advertisements. We realize that the mainstream world is two dimensional in it's thinking. Therefore we know it's a joke but more to it, the joke is on them and their lack of knowledge. But every once in a while when something from the extreme side of the tracks gets taken and used for the purposes of hipster snobbery well things change. Not only will it be laughed at but it will be mocked.
Case in point here with Black Metal Beer. Who says black metallers drink beer? I thought blood was the drink of choice as in goat's blood, the blood of a virgin, blood of our enemies,etc. If there was a brewed beverage it would undoubtedly be mead because it's Nordic. There's also wine, red wine. We all know Gaahl loves his wine. Just watch any of those videos brought to you by the hipsters at VICE magazine. Gaahl starts drinking wine from his own stash, gets all loopy and rambles on about Satan or something.
But Beer? Nah except if it's inexpensive stuff that's for drinking and not showing off which is what hipster beer snobs do. Yes we like are beer "troo" and not filled with chocolate and roast coffee. We like our beer tasty and not bitter because sharing our air with losers is bitter enough. Here's a news flash hipsters. Extreme people don't listen to the music to be cool. We listen to it to escape the likes of you. Therefore creating a beer with a cartoon image of Abbath on the label will not get us to drink it. Although we might rip it from someones hands and break it over their heads. Now that's kvlt!
The biggest joke about this is the label with the words "Black Metal Music played to beer during fermentation". Hmmm, let me guess, DIMMU BORGIR? I suggest that these "creators" of alcoholic beverages stick with what they know and to whom they're catering to. Therefore I suggest Hipster Loser Lager. It tastes horrible but you don't care because it's all for show and not taste besides you can't handle more than two beers before you become a drunk groper.
written by Mr. Wolf